All Posts · Emotional Baggage

Thirty Days of Gratitude -#11 – New Beginnings

“Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end”

~ Closing Time – Semisonic

Last week I took a quick trip across the country to attend my new fellowship orientation and to walk through the townhouse we will be living in for the next two years. Surprisingly, it was exciting and invigorating.

I always fear new beginnings – they are unknown, they are unpredictable, and they mean starting over (in a small or big way). This new beginning is huge: a move across the county, a new job, new friends, new home, new way of life… This time, however, I am excited.

I didn’t actually realize I was excited until I got to the new city and saw it in front of me. It was liberating to leave behind all the emotional baggage that I have in my current life situation and see where I am going – witnessing the way forward, if you will. Up until this trip, I could really only focus on what I was leaving behind; likely because I really couldn’t understand the magnitude of what lay ahead.

I don’t know what this next adventure holds for me. I don’t know if it is the right move for me and my family, and that is scary. But I do know that what’s been going on now doesn’t make me happy. Ironically, I am still anxious and afraid of leaving it all behind. I guess there is comfort in what you know even when it doesn’t fit properly.

I am thankful that I went on this little pre-move trip. It opened my eyes to the direction I’m taking in my life and made me really appreciate that there is more than what I have now. I am grateful for this new beginning, even though it is still relatively unknown. It’s not often that people are given the opportunity to “start over” when they aren’t completely satisfied and that is the exact opportunity I have before me.

I’m sad to say goodbye (even if it’s temporary) to the life I have now. But I must remember that 5 years ago I was afraid of the new beginning that led to this current life that I am sad to leave behind.

New beginnings mean new opportunities, new discoveries, and new growth. I am grateful that I have the opportunity to experience all of these with my upcoming move. I am also grateful that this new beginning means the end of a difficult time in my life. And finally, I am grateful for the recent realization that this new beginnings does mean the end of everything that I’ve come to experience from the old new beginning – those most valuable things will always be with me and a part of me.

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