Tomorrow is the big day. Well, the first of the three big days. My exam is finally here. The exam comprises two written components (tomorrow and the next day), and an oral component in about a month. I am nervous, even though I have been preparing for this exam since September… even though I have completed 5 years of residency training to prepare me for this exam. Even though the pass rate for Canadian graduates is 99%. I am scared.
Why should I be scared, though? I am prepared and I know I am. I have all the knowledge that I will ever have because it is just impossible for me to put any more information into my head!
But the truth is, that I’m scared because I seem to have bad luck and it strikes me at the worst possible times. Other times when I’ve been sure that something will turn out the way it *should,* it doesn’t actually go that way at all. I have lost the ability to be objective about my own successes and capabilities. This exam, though, it is objective. It isn’t a popularity contest and it isn’t a test made to fail people. I have to believe that. And I have to have courage.
And here’s the real truth: I do have courage. I have always had courage. Time and time again I have picked myself up from the depths of difficulty and sorrow, and gone for it again. That has to count for something. Today I am grateful that I still have that courage. I am grateful that I will wake up tomorrow, get ready for this exam, and walk into the room with my head high and the confidence that I CAN and WILL succeed.
In preparation for this exam, I took a mental health day today, which meant that I did no studying today. The whole day was about me doing things that made me happy and relaxed. I spend some time shopping and came across a blank greeting card that caught my attention. I decided to buy it because it encapsulates everything about courage and how it has shaped the person I believe myself to be.
Every day that I am courageous, I become more and more like the person I want to be. Tomorrow is no exception