This little gratitude project of mine has come at the perfect time in my life. Being forced to reflect throughout the day on what I am grateful for is preventing me from dwelling on the aspects of my day with which I struggle.
Today, my migraine headache persisted. I needed to seek out stronger treatment to maintain a modest level of functioning. Before that, though, I had to go to clinic. Even while we are studying, we are expected to attend patient clinics once a week. For the last four weeks I have chosen to attend a Gynecologic Endocrinology/Infertility clinic. With my headache and my overarching exam stress, being in clinic was probably one of the last places I wanted to be. However, being there also reminded me of what I am working towards.
In a few months I will be moving across the country to pursuit a fellowship in Gynecologic Endocrinology and Infertility. Right now I spend a lot of time trying to understand why I thought it was a good idea to sign up for even more training after this. It is very easy to forget why something seemed appealing to us in the first place. My feelings and motivations behind my upcoming fellowship are a topic for another blog entry, but it was necessary to mention it so give context to my moment of gratitude for today.
Today in clinic I had the opportunity to meet with patients who, for one reason or another, have difficulty getting pregnant. I know that deep down, the reason I chose to pursuit this subspecialty is because there is no better feeling than watching a couple realize that the one thing they wanted the most and thought they would never have, has actually come to be. I still remember the first time I watched an apprehensive woman watch with tearful elation as the tiny heartbeat of her embryo flickered on the screen in front of her. This was something she waited many years for and it was finally a reality for her. While I wasn’t actively involved in her treatment plan, I realized in that moment that I wanted to be the one to give that gift to other women in the future.
Every year there are only 5-7 positions for this fellowship across the country. I am grateful, despite my cynicism, that I was able to secure one of these positions and that I will have the privilege and the honour of helping countless women (and their partners) realize the joy of parenthood when it initially seemed impossible.
I know that one day not too far from now, I will be forever grateful for this opportunity.