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Resolve

How did the meaning of “resolve” come to be?

A firm determination to do something

Two days of wanting to stay hiding in my bed.
Two days of getting into my scrubs and roaming the halls, beeping my chin up from the ground.
Two days of averted eyes, and half-fake smiles, and “how are you doings” with false answers.
Two days of having no one to talk to, and no one to trust, and nothing to say.

I don’t know what makes me keep going, except maybe the thought that I can’t just do nothing.

Resolve is a funny thing… because as hard as it is to rise above the discomfort, I know that I have no other choice.

I must do something, even though I want to do nothing.

Tomorrow will be day number three – another day of resolving to stay strong.

5 thoughts on “Resolve

  1. I’m impressed. You have great courage. I bet most of them just want to reassure you that they were not part of the nastiness, because they probably weren’t, but how are you to know which people they are? You can’t, so you may as well assume they all feel that way.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s a good assumption to make – that they all aren’t the ones involved instead of the idea that they are involved. Either way, I think each day gets easier.

      Like

  2. Sometimes I curse the development of the Internet and social media. I think we were all better off when it wasn’t around. I’m sorry you are going through this. You are a strong woman.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I can relate to your feelings. Maybe not the same situation, but I had some harsh critics in med school who made life very awkward and lonely. Although the nastiness blows over, the distrust does not really, and I guess there is not much we can say to alter that. But – thinking of you. Your resolve to be strong MAKES you strong.

    Liked by 1 person

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