I’ve been back at work for a week now, and I’m exhausted. I’m also feeling my long-gone grumpiness creeping back to get me. I’m sure it’s all a combination of just coming back from vacation, having been on some pretty slack rotations before that, not getting enough sleep, and working 11+ hour days every day.
My husband told me today that he can tell by the look on my face that I’m not really enjoying my life at this moment. I wouldn’t go so far to say that, but I have been feeling pretty rough. There is a small part of me that is wondering what I’ve signed up for and if I really want to be working this hard for at least the next 4 years. I never know what I want anymore.
Initially I was excited to be on service for the whole year and gaining some great experience in my field. While my preceptors have been much more invested in my learning than they were last year, I have quickly come to realize that I am still much more junior than everyone else in my program. So far, every day that I’ve been in the OR I have either been a second assist (usually what the medical student does) or I’ve been bumped by the chief resident. When I’ve been in the case room, even when the chief doesn’t come in for the interesting stuff, there has usually been a more senior resident who has taken the forceps or other complicated deliveries away from me.
I’m looking forward to a time when I am not at the lower end of the medical hierarchy. I guess that time is not now.
Wish me better luck and a better mood in the coming week. At least I’m not on call this weekend!
Oh, and I have, so far, stuck my pact to ride my bike to work every day that I’m not on call… And, I’ve made it to TKD twice, and got out to run once, too. So it hasn’t all been bad – Just an adjustment, I guess!