I am facing a little bit of an internal struggle these days.
A new friend of mine is going through a difficult time right now. Her husband told her that he wants to take a break. She confided this in me and I want to be supportive for her. I have been there to listen to her and I have offered her advice when she asked for it.
But, here’s my problem: I am afraid of being too supportive.
Every day I try to “check up” on her. If I know I’m not going to see her, I send her a text message to say hi and ask how she is doing. I send her little messages to let her know that I am thinking about here and that I am here for her if she needs someone to talk to. For the most part, she has been very receptive and appreciative of my efforts to he friendly and supportive.
But then I got scared. I am worried that I will overwhelm her (like I did to someone before). So, I stopped sending her messages every day. The problem with that, though, is that I am much busier than her and I worried that she would think I didn’t have time for her or didn’t care anymore. But I am having a hard time finding a balance.
I don’t want to swing so far to the other side of “being a supportive friend” that I actually stop being supportive, but now I don’t know where that boundary is. Without thinking too much about the past, or dwelling on what happened before, I have been trying to reflect on what I can do differently.
I think the biggest difference, that I can see at least, is that this friend actually confides in me and tells me what is going on – at least that makes me feel like she does value my friendship. She isn’t pulling away from me (as far as I can tell). Maybe i should let that be my guide. However, is it right to let it get to the point of her feeling like she needs to pull away from me?
I just don’t know anymore.
Where is that “being a good friend” sweet spot?