My Mother-In-Law came to visit this weekend… This LONG weekend.
The first thing she asked me when she walked in the door: “What is your WiFi password?” (How about, “where are my grandkids?”)
I convinced her to take the boys to see Big Hero 6 at the cheap theatres. They LOVE Big Hero 6 and only ask to see it every day. She agreed to take them, but when they came home, it turns out they went to see Penguins of Madagascar instead… because “Grandma didn’t want to see Big Hero 6, she wanted to see the Penguins.”
When they came home from the movie theatre, E’s pants were soaked in urine. “Why is E. soaked in pee?”
“Oh, well I didn’t have another pull-up for him.”
“He only wears pull-ups at night time, he can pee on the potty during the day. Why was he wearing a pull-up?”
“I thought it would be easier than having to take him to the bathroom constantly.”
I see… so letting my newly potty trained 2.5 year old pee his pants is the solution to your laziness…?
She was excited to take the boys out for dinner for Valentines Day.
“No, you can’t take them to McDonalds.”
“Yes, I know that’s where they want to go. They always want to go to McDonalds.”
So, they went to Wendy’s instead.
When we came home from our dinner and movie date, we found A. sleeping in our bed… and Grandma and her boyfriend sleeping in A’s bed.
In the morning:
“What happened with the sleeping arrangements last night?”
“Oh, A. said he wanted to sleep in your bed. We figured that since you have a king-sized bed, there was enough room for him to sleep with you guys, and then we didn’t have to sleep on the fold-out.”
It’s really a good thing Husband let me sleep in while he wielded that conversation…
We asked how dinner went the night before. She said: “well, it was good, except we had to leave before we were done eating because E was sh*tting and pissing everywhere.”
“Well, did you take him to the washroom?”
“He didn’t say he had to go.”
“I thought we told you that you have to take him to the bathroom regularly.”
(Of course my newly potty-trained 2.5 year old would rather eat a Frosty for dinner than take a break to go pee…)
As a side note, my fully pee-trained and partially-poop trained toddler completely reverted back to soiling his pants constantly for the entire 2 days MIL was here. The moment she left, he was back to peeing in the potty without prompting.
“We want to take the boys to this new indoor playground a friend told us about.”
“Okay, great. What are you going to do for lunch?”
“Oh, we hadn’t thought of that. Where should we take them?”
“IKEA is pretty close to there, why not go there – they have cheap kids food and they boys like it.”
Husband and I made the mistake of meeting up with them for lunch. When I joined MIL’s boyfriend in the food line, he told me what the boys said they wanted – “okay… sounds good.”
When he ordered food for him and MIL, and began walking away, I asked if he was getting food for the boys.”
“Oh, now that you’re here, I figured you could take care of it.”
So I ordered the food, and carried it to the till, and when MIL joined us in the line (now that Husband was watching the kids), I asked her if she was “getting” the food for the boys…
“Well, I guess, if you want me to.”
“If I want you to? You were the one who wanted to take them out for lunch… and now you don’t want to buy their $2.99 lunches? Don’t inconvenience yourself…” And so I bought my kids the lunches for which their Grandma took them out…
(We did not accompany them to the indoor playground, lest we would have to pay the admission fees for them to enjoy that, too)
Monday morning… Holiday Monday, I hear knocking at the door. It’s 7:15 am. “We are ready to leave, can one of you come and watch the boys?”
There she is, standing in front of my bedroom door, with her coat and boots on… On my off-white carpet… waiting for me to come out and “see her off.” The boys, who have been “fed and watered” (in the words of MIL), are staring blankly at the TV flashing Despicable Me 2… for the second time in two days. She walked over to take a picture of the boys, sitting on the couch (still wearing her boots on my carpet, I might add) and then took off down the stairs.
“Why are you leaving so early?”
“Oh, we want to beat the holiday rush.”
(you mean the rush that will take place 12 hours from now, for the 3-hour drive on the double-lane divided highway?” Okay.)
As soon as they left, I got back into bed. Two minutes barely passed before E. came running into our bedroom: “I have to pee!” He proclaimed, as he began taking off his pajamas and rushed into the ensuite to pee in the potty.
A. turned off the movie and followed his brother into our room, climbed into bed with us and snuggled up beside me. “I don’t want to watch Despicable Me 2 anymore, Mommy.”
“That’s okay. Why were you up so early this morning, honey?”
“Grandma woke us up at 6:28. I told her we weren’t allowed to wake up until our sun woke up at 7:00 but she said it was okay.”
I could hear Husband fuming on the other side of the bed. Our poor boys, who have been staying up hours past their bedtime for two nights, and who have been missing their naps for two days, were woken up early so that she could get on the road first thing in the morning… for no good reason?
“Oh, I probably should tell you then, that she was walking around our house with her boots on.”
“On the carpet too…?!?”
“F*ck. I never want that woman in my house again.”
“Whatever you want, Honey… She’s your mom.”
(And so I spent my Family Day Holiday caressing overly tired and cranky boys into naps at odd times of the day, washing piles of dishes that were left in the sink, and doing an extra load of pee and poop stained toddler clothes, so as not to leave them for the Nanny to deal with when she came back to work today)