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The Gift I Didn’t Want to Get

IMG_5157When this gift showed up my on doorstep yesterday, I didn’t know what to do with it.  I was expecting to get this last Stridebox (out of 6) in December, but it never came.  A 6-month “subscription” to the Stridebox was a graduation/moving gift given to me by K.  I got the first one in July, and they came every month thereafter.  She ordered them for herself as well, and whenever we got them, we would talk about the stuff that came in them.  I wasn’t sure if she had ordered them each month, or if it was a pre-paid thing, but when I didn’t get the 6th box in December, I thought that maybe it was something she did every month and then she didn’t do it in December.

I was not expecting to get one this month.  I didn’t want to get one this month.  I have been trying very hard to keep K where she belongs – in 2014.  I would be lying if I said that I’ve kept her off my mind.  However, I feel that I have been doing a relatively good job of letting thoughts and memories of her float through the river of my mind without stopping them to dwell  on and overthink them.  It’s been hard, but I’m not going to mourn.

I stared at this box for a long time without knowing if I wanted to open it or not.  I know it’s just filled with drink mix and power bar samples, and some other little running trinkets.  But it’s the fact that it is a gift that was given to me by a person, who at one time thought I was a meaningful and important person in her life.  I looked ver my options:

1. Keep it and leave it at that. It was meant for me, and who cares about the origins or the emotional implications behind it.
2. Keep it and send a simple, “Thank-you,” to her (because I was taught to always thank people for the things they give you).
3. Don’t keep it – give it away or throw it away.  It’s something that she probably wouldn’t have sent me if she had the choice (if she paid upfront 6 months ago).
4. Don’t open it and send it back to her without a single word.
5. Send it back to her – opened or unopened – with a note saying that I don’t feel right accepting the gift from her (because I don’t).

I spent a long time thinking about it… Until husband came home and ripped into it (he is an avid runner as well and enjoys seeing what’s in the box every month).  “I’m surprised you haven’t opened it yet,” he said as he took everything out of the box.
“Well, honey, it’s kind of bittersweet – I wasn’t sure if I wanted to open it.”
He then felt bad for opening it and placed everything back in the box.

I really don’t know what I want to do with it.  I’m leaning towards option 2 and 5, with 1 close behind (I would always feel that I should say thank-you, though), and I guess 4 is not an option anymore.  Contacting her and acknowledging that I received the box is what is comfortable, but it also means that I’m the one to break the silence.  It feels weak, but not saying something feels wrong.  I am lost.  So as I decide what do to with it, it sits in the corner of my closet, opened but not explored.IMG_5158

Any thoughts on what I should do?  Please help me out…

 

13 thoughts on “The Gift I Didn’t Want to Get

  1. Your husband ripping into it, even without thinking, is a reminder that these are just things that contribute to an activity you enjoy. Without the additional communication, it’s just stuff. I say let your husband have it if it’s really too difficult.

    If it was a subscription, then you have technically already thanked her for it with the first five. I would let it go. ((hugs))

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I agree with Victo. Options 1 and 2 are both fine (as long as you keep the Thank You VERY simple), options 3, 4, and 5 reek of anger and resentment.
    I don’t understand why you ‘don’t feel right’ about accepting it – it was given to you in friendship over six months ago, and you haven’t done anything wrong.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, after thinking about it, all the options you pointed out are resentful. If leaving everything behind is going to be meaningful, I guess I have to leave the resentment and anger behind too.

      Like

  3. I would do #1. I’m guessing you thanked her for the others, since you received them when you were still on talking terms with her. Since it seems that she paid for a six month subscription, I feel like a thank you is implied since you said thank you for the other boxes. I would just accept it and do with it what you want, and move on. Saying thank you could just reignite thoughts and undo some of the work that you’ve done to work through this time.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yeah, you’re right! If I say thank-you, it will get ne “mote involved” in something I said I was leaving behind. I did thank her for every other one – so I guess not thanking her dor this one won’t really matter.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Give it to a runner you know. It will make you feel better and it will make someone happy, which you are obviously not by having the box now. Change the bad energy into something positive and graceful. Fruity hugs 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank-you. I just ended up emptying the contents of the box into the mess of everything else that I have from the other boxes. It’s just stuff – and useful stuff at that. I will enjoy it!

      Liked by 2 people

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