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Random Musings From a Resident On Call

Dear Mr. Frosted Tips, I realize you’ve got a gunshot wound and some bullet fragments lodged in your iliac crest.  However, that does not excuse you from the common courtesies such as not having Playboy magazine proudly displayed on your bedside table.  Also, asking me if I can send you home with something stronger than T3’s because “anyone can buy that sh*t outside the 7-11” is not to best way to go about receiving stronger pain meds.

IMG_5152I realize I’m supposed to be smart, but I’m not sure I completely understand this label.  Is it just my sleep deprivation, or does it seem confusing to anyone else? ——->>
This is just lip balm, after all…

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
A woodchuck would chuck as much wood as a woodchuck could if a wood chuck could chuck wood.

According to Family Feud, 64% of men surveyed said they would not be caught wearing their wife’s bra/underwear.  The next highest vote was for their wife’s dress, at 16%.  I am curious about the other 20%… unfortunately surgery called and I missed the end of the survey 😦

The laws of call state that there is never a correct decision on when to go to bed.  If you go to bed, inevitably you will be woken up at the exact moment you finally fall asleep.  But, if you choose to stay awake waiting for the call, it will never come.

IMG_5156I wonder what percentage of digestive cookies stocked in hospital wards (and peanut butter, I guess) are consumed by patients, and what percentage are eaten by medical staff.  I wouldn’t be surprised if a larger proportion were eaten by staff (primarily residents).  There is nothing more tasty and satisfying at 11pm, or 3am, or 6am, or anytime really, as a sweet and crunchy cookie smeared with peanut butter, and then washed down with ice cold apple juice (not pictured).  You know which apple juice I’m talking about, don’t you?  The one with the foil top? Mmmm.

I’m sorry, little girl whom I would like to believe is too young to have sex, I know you want your right lower quadrant pain to be a juicy appendix that I can cut out of you.  Sadly for you, that large abscess in your pelvis is not associated with your appendix… I’m not sure how you want me to answer your mom’s question about how you could possibly get a tubo-ovarian abscess and (coincidentally) a positive chlamydia test.  I think I’ll leave that for the gyne resident who will see you next (hmm, that karma might come back to me some day).

Battle dehydration: each consult in emergency calls for a visit to the water machine.  Either that or pull a “Merideth” and get a friend to start you an IV.  A bolus of ringers lactate never hurt anyone… At least I hope not, considering how many verbal orders I’ve given for that!

I have many reasons to be thankful that I do not have crohns disease.  I am genuinely and sincerely sorry if you have crohns disease.  Really.

I can’t forget to brush my teeth… No matter how busy you get on call, the only thing worse than being awake at 4am is being awake at 4am and having bad breath and fuzzy teeth.  Call breath is not cool.

And on that note, I should probably stop blogging, brush my teeth and go to bed (so that my pager can get going again)!

3 thoughts on “Random Musings From a Resident On Call

  1. “I wonder what percentage of digestive cookies stocked in hospital wards (and peanut butter, I guess) are consumed by patients, and what percentage are eaten by medical staff. I wouldn’t be surprised if a larger proportion were eaten by staff (primarily residents).”

    HAAA yes. This.

    Also, on your story about girl with the TOA & chlamydia, it’s such an awkward situation when they’re teenagers and their mom is there. We had a young patient the other day on my anesthesiology elective who did a bunch of drugs (including cocaine) and the chart specified that the mom didn’t know so of course we had to wait until she was in the OR before we could ask her about it. Oop.

    Like

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