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From Someone Else’s Mouth

“After analyzing the results of your questionnaires, there were two areas that stood out as areas of concern.  As you’ve mentioned, the high activity and lack of focus are in line with possible ADHD.  There also seem to be quite a few issues that relate to social interaction and development, which is very consistent with a diagnosis of Autism.”

Autism.

The blow to my chest came as a surprise.  She was the first person to suggest, in any real way, that A could have autism.  This is what I’ve been suspecting for such a long time and the possibility that A falls on the mild end of the autism spectrum was something that was becoming a regular part of my thoughts and my conversations with other people.  I was not expecting to feel so stunned, so winded, and so unprepared.

A could have Autism.

I pushed for all the appointments and investigations because I knew something just wasn’t quite right.  I know he’s the “weird kid.”  I know he doesn’t do things the way other kids do.  I thought it would feel good to know that there is an explanation for it all.  I thought I was worried that everyone would say he’s normal and I would be left to figure out on my own how to deal with all the behaviour problems on my own.  I thought hearing someone else confirm my suspicions would bring me a sigh of relief.

I was wrong.  The way my breath got caught in my throat at the sound of that word suddenly made me know that I was completely wrong.  I drove home with my little man in the back seat, completely oblivious to the significance of the last two hours he spent playing with “that lady.”  Thoughts raced through my mind: what will school look like?  Will he have friends?  Will he be included in everything else?  Will he have a first love?  Will he experience life the way I did – the way I assume that everyone else does?

I know that I’m getting ahead of myself.  I know a lot can change over the years.  I know that he doesn’t even have the diagnosis yet.  And, I know that even if he does get the diagnosis, there’s nothing wrong with that.  When I woke up today, I was the only one who believed that maybe, just maybe, autism was an explanation.  But hearing it come from someone else’s mouth – I just wasn’t expecting a confirmation of my beliefs to be so scary.

14 thoughts on “From Someone Else’s Mouth

  1. I’m going through the same thing right now with my 6-year-old boy. Went in for ADHD testing in Oct, came out with possible Autism Spectrum Diagnosis. Absolutely blind sided us.

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    1. Ugh! I’m sorry – for the blind siding, I guess. I’m just more surprised by my reaction than the actual possibility of autism because I’ve been suspecting it for a while.

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  2. Even if you have an idea, I can see where it’s still a blow, if nothing because you know it isn’t merely a phase to outgrow or something a pill can help. My guy had his last round pf testing on Sat, and now we wait for the answer.

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    1. Hopefully you don’t have to wait too long for an answer. I also hope that you live somewhere with good resources if you need them. We have to wait about 3 months for an appointment for a formal assessment. Considering I got a referral around his third birthday, this has been a ling process (he’s almost 5).

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  3. Sorry to hear this, but completely understand the blindsiding. No matter what we know, I think there’s always a part of us that hopes we’ll get an answer that will make all our concerns go away – something that’s easily fixed – especially when it concerns our kids.

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    1. Yes, that is exactly what it is. I wish I could just take away this struggle for him. Especially in today’s age, where teachers are overworked, classes are so big, and kids are meaner to each other.

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  4. I have several kids in my practice with Asperger’s. There are lots of resources in my province and all the kids have IEPs (individualized education program?) at their schools. I’m sure where you live there is something similar. I am sorry to hear you have to deal with this on top of everything else. Hugs!

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    1. I think all the information is overwhelming and given that we had to re-start the referral when we moved, I feel like we are a little behind in getting things organized before Kindergarten in September. We have to go for the “official assessment” in a few months, so we won’t know if he qualifies for any programs until then. It sounds like they have some good things in place here, though.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, he will be okay! He is such a wonderful kid (most of the time) and even in the past few days I feel like I understand him more and I am already thinking of ways to accommodate his special needs and interests.

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