Everything feels so unfortunate…
“I love this coat! I’m so glad my mom got the zipper fixed.”
“No, I didn’t get it there, I got this one in Montreal, with my splurge money”, remember?”
A twinge of sadness – my splurge money… That I won on the first night I joined the splurge group… The one that K invited me to.
At the liquor store today, I was picking out a wine for my neighbour. I perused the wine shelves for one that I thought looked good. Then I was it: The Dreaming Tree wine. The exact same bottle hiding on my wine rack at home. The one that was gifted to me at my good-bye brunch, with the intention for us to drink it when I celebrate finishing residency… It came with a card: “We will be friends for many years to come, because we want to be…”
I haven’t run in over a week. The last time I ran was the evening before I got the rejection email. She was my running buddy – my encourager, my competitor, the person who held me accountable. Now running seems a little lonely. I know I have to get back on that treadmill, but I just don’t want to right now.
I wonder if she has as many memory triggers as I do?
I wonder if she’s stopped thinking about me as easily as she cut me out of her life?
I wonder if she feels relief, or regret?
I can’t just stop her from being in my mind.