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So Intertwined

Everything feels so unfortunate…
“I love this coat! I’m so glad my mom got the zipper fixed.”
“No, I didn’t get it there, I got this one in Montreal, with my splurge money”, remember?”
A twinge of sadness – my splurge money… That I won on the first night I joined the splurge group… The one that K invited me to.
Unfortunate Memory.

At the liquor store today, I was picking out a wine for my neighbour. I perused the wine shelves for one that I thought looked good. Then I was it: The Dreaming Tree wine. The exact same bottle hiding on my wine rack at home. The one that was gifted to me at my good-bye brunch, with the intention for us to drink it when I celebrate finishing residency… It came with a card: “We will be friends for many years to come, because we want to be…”

I haven’t run in over a week. The last time I ran was the evening before I got the rejection email. She was my running buddy – my encourager, my competitor, the person who held me accountable. Now running seems a little lonely. I know I have to get back on that treadmill, but I just don’t want to right now.

I wonder if she has as many memory triggers as I do?
I wonder if she’s stopped thinking about me as easily as she cut me out of her life?
I wonder if she feels relief, or regret?

I can’t just stop her from being in my mind.

9 thoughts on “So Intertwined

    1. I feel like i will always be hurting and aleays feeling regret, or asking “what if?” I’ve fallen lut with friends before, and its hard, but this just feels so much worse.

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  1. Those niggling little whispers of memory completely and totally suck right now, and my only advice is to hope they won’t suck as bad someday (but that hasn’t been what has happened for me… maybe not enough time has passed?).

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    1. The hardest part is that we never ha an actual “falling out.” Just one day she stopped talking to me. Then she just dropped me. I dont knoe what changed. I wish i had an explanation 😦

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        1. Yeah, ive wonders that too. Part of me thinks it is possible, which would mean that I misjudged the closeness of our friendship. But another part thinks that it has nothing to do with my blog, or me at all – partly because she said she’s been so busy that i wonder how much time ahe would have had to actually read a signifixant portion of my blog. Mayne I’m making excuses. I dont know

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