Excuses

I think I have entered the anger phase of grief. I was thinking about the “reasons” why I’m not “friend worthy” anymore, and they don’t make sense…

1. How does someone else’s bad/negative attitude make it impossible for you to reach your own life goals? Only if you let it… Maybe I’ve been negative a lot, but why shouldn’t I be, given everything I’m going through. My negative attitude about MY life shouldn’t affect YOUR life goals. That’s not my fault.

2. If someone sends me a text message and I am too busy to reply to it at that moment, I don’t. If I send someone a message and they don’t reply to me right away, I assume it’s because they are busy. How is it my fault that our “chatter” is overwhelming your life? It’s not overwhelming my life. Maybe we chatted more than I do with other friends, but as long as it is reciprocated, I can only assume you WANT to engage in chatter. If it’s overwhelming your life, that’s something you need to work on, it’s nothing I did. (And cutting someone out of your life… That’s the best solution?)

3. The only reason I can think of that anyone would resent someone for trying hard to be a friend is if it made you bad about yourself for not ever reciprocating. I guess that just comes down to what you’re willing to give to other people. If you’re busy and overwhelmed at any time, it’s okay to take more than you give – I know that. It just means that when you’re back on top, maybe it’s your turn to give a little more. Isn’t that what friends are for?

4. Is there a difference between not wanting to be someone’s friend and not being able to be someone’s friend? I think ability in this respect has everything to do with wanting. If I was important to you, you would make it work. Even if it means saying that other aspects of life are a challenge and you can’t be as supportive as you’d like right now. But to say you can’t be a friend? That’s more of a sugar coated excuse for not wanting it.

It seems to me that the reasons I’m not “friend worthy” have everything to do with someone else’s problems and not mine. It doesn’t make the hurt any less, but I guess it makes coping. Little easier.

Am I right? Am I wrong? Am I just trying to make myself feel better?