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It’s a New Day

I had a long night on call. Many calls and little sleep. But this morning I signed off of yet another rotation – 6 done and 6 to go. I sat down with my preceptor, exhausted and defeated from yesterday, to go over my evaluation.
“This will be quick,” he said. “You were… You were just fantastic! It says a lot when even the nurses tell me how much they like you.”
I looked over the form. Half of the check marks – the ones that pertained to medical and procedural activities- were in the “exceeds expectations” category. The other half of the check marks – for the professionalism, patient advocacy, team player like activities – were in the “consultant level” category. I was beyond shocked. Again, I don’t understand how I perform so well when I am feeling so broken and lost inside. Regardless, I signed on the resident signature line and graciously accepted my feedback. I collected my bags from my call room and returned the key to the unit clerk. She stood up to give me a hug: “it was wonderful having you here! I don’t just give anybody a hug, you know!”
I smiled and thanked her, then wished her a Merry Christmas.
The charge nurse turned around as well and stood to give me another hug: “We’ll miss you,” she said. “We really enjoyed having you here! Come to visit us whenever you are back at this hospital.”
I left with a smile on my face. I guess I must be doing something right. I drove home trying to forget about my sorrows of yesterday. It is so surreal, all of it. When I got home, the boys were outside building a snowman. What a beautiful sight. I went into the house to find fresh Lilly blossoms sitting on my kitchen table. I am loved.


Now I will go to sleep, and when I wake up later today I will begin the process of de cluttering my life. I’ll start with removing the many reminders of K that are all around me. I have to start somewhere.
It’s a new day.
I am a good person.
I am loved.
I will start there.

11 thoughts on “It’s a New Day

    1. I think you are right. I didn’t get around to it today because I slept longer than I thought, and I had a massage booked. Oh well. Maybe tomorrow!


  1. “Again, I don’t understand how I perform so well when I am feeling so broken and lost inside.”

    I am going to guess, just based on what you have shared: You take pride in your work. You know your stuff. And, possibly, you lose yourself in your work as a distraction when other things stress you out.

    No matter how or why, YOU did great 🙂

    “It’s a new day.
    I am a good person.
    I am loved.”

    This is your new mantra ❤


    1. I don’t know if I lose myself in my work. Usually I feel like I don’t want to be there doing what I have to do and I’m only doing it because I have to (most of the time). Maybe I do a good job because I have high expectations for myself? Who knows.

      I guess I’ll have to make that my new mantra!


  2. Sounds to me you are definitely on the right track. Bedside manner is one of the most important things (imho) that gets overlooked in the medical profession. I am no doctor, nor do I work in any capacity in this field but I have experience. I spent 17months with my fiancée as she was being treated at the Cleveland Clinic and I absolutely loved those people. Everyone there from the department heads, due to her condition I met many of those, all the way down to the valets are some of the kindest most caring people I have ever encountered. I know that these doctors and nurses and everyone else there are normal people just like me and you with real problems and struggles. From what I have read so far you sound like you’d fit in nicely there. Thing is, like you, they didn’t allow the outside world to interfere with their duties. If I am ever in need of a doctor I pray it is someone human, like you. Best of luck to you in all your endeavors. -JM


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