Emotional Baggage · Relationships

I Asked For It

I asked for the truth, and I got it.

~My negative attitude towards life was making it difficult for her to achieve the goals she had set for herself.

~Our constant “chatter” was overwhelming her life.  It was taking away from her work, her kids, her husband, her family, and she has to choose her family.

~She has become increasingly uncomfortable with the amount of focus I place on being a friend to her.  She has begun to resent the fact that I am trying hard to be her friend.

~She cannot be a support person, a mentor, or a friend to me right now.

The End.

44 thoughts on “I Asked For It

  1. Empathy like, there.

    If that is the way she told you, then you are best done of her. It hurts and sucks both ways, but if someone is trying to be a friend and you can’t be there for them, there are ways to explain that and still be empathetic to the person.

    I am upset for you now (heck a lot of good that does to help, but I am). May your life be filled with true friends who know how to say “can I call you tomorrow, I’m busy” vs. ignoring you completely, those who know major life changes=just as long sometimes to get back to “good” and everything else a real friend should be. Until then, grieve as you need to, if you still need to that is.

    ((((HUGS))) to you. Again I am sorry :/

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    1. Thanks, Sheena. Those are pretty much verbaitem sentences from her email. I changed the pronouns and thats about it. It wasnt a point form list, but more of a paragrah – but this is all it said. Maybe the pointform makes it seem more blunt, but its blunt, just the same.

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        1. I’m not okay, but I’m surviving, I guess. I took a zopiclone to make sure I slept last night and I somehow made it to work. I have to survive call tonight but I just want to run away. I want to go where no one will find me. I need to re-evaluate. Everything is gone: the emails, the fit-bit friends, the text messages, the contact information. I can’t give myself a way to be weak.

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  2. Wow. I’m glad you have your answer but wish it weren’t what it was. And so blunt. Ouch. I’m so sorry. There’s a lot I want to say about my perception of her based on what she wrote in her email, but I won’t. I’ll say only that sometimes we don’t mesh like we hope to with the people we want so badly to mesh with.

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    1. What I don’t understand is, why all of the sudden? Why tell me that I can’t imagine how great of a friend I’ve been? Why reciprocate the chatter? It takes two people to chat…

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        1. No, not based on what you shared here. You did the same as most of us would if we moved and changed jobs…tried to keep a connection.

          Even if it turns out you were doing things you hadn’t mentioned here that could be even slightly “over the top”, she is a grownup. She could have spoken up, but she went “over the top” in the direction of NOT communicating.

          I know you have been semi-grieving this for a while, and still will possibly but you will see before too long that you were acting normal.

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        2. I haven’t ever done anything that I haven’t shared on my blog. I was always way too afraid to do anything for this exact fear. Remember how scared I was about the book? Since then, the only thing I’ve done is the “November gift.” And, just being friendly and supportive in between.

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        3. I figured as much. ((hugs)) again and if you need anything, know that you have people here that are there for you. Maybe not quite the same (screw it… Not the same at all), but we are sincere.

          Liked by 1 person

  3. You are better off without her. Not only am I kind of sad for you right now, I am extremely aggravated. These are exactly the types of excuses I despise. I’m glad you got your answer and I know it sucks as hell, but she is not a friend you need right now.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. I hope you don’t feel inferior because of this or qualify yourself as bad for this. None of this is your fault. Life takes it’s own course sometimes and everyone goes through a rough time in which friend’s shouldn’t react like your did.

        If she had sent this to you, I’m sure you would not respond that way. That is the value in a friend. Everyone needs to put themselves first at times, but never turn their back on someone they care about.

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        1. I feel like it is totally my fault. I feel like I’ve been scolded and sent to the corner. I’m not a good enough person to be even a smidgen of a priority in her life. It’s probably wrong to think that, but it doesn’t change the fact that that’s how I feel.

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        2. That’s exactly why I despise those types of excuses. It’s an excuse, nothing else. If she was to write a motivational letter about friendship, she would mention that every friendship takes work and patience and a lot of understanding, but she isn’t capable of doing that for you. It’s so flipping unfair. But I understand you, I really do.

          We’re all still here for you.

          Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m not cranky anymore – I’ve been thinking of doing it for a while. I don’t know if I’ll stick with it. But along with everything else, crankygiraffe had to go, too.
      I don’t care if she were to read anything anymore, but I feel like she doesn’t deserve the “privilege” of having access to my life anymore.” Harsh, maybe, but why should she?

      Liked by 4 people

      1. Well, I would have to say that she totally does not deserve instant access to your life anymore. She threw that away and that is on her. As for her excuses, there are ways around each of those problems, such as setting boundaries and expectations. I know this probably all feels terrible right now, but time will heal you, as clichéd as that sounds. And we’ve all got your back here on WP! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Thank-you. I would have liked to think that her knowing how much she has hurt me would knock some sense into her. But its not likely. This is my fault: seeing something in her that wasn’t there… trying to make something out of nothing… being too friendly… I don’t know what I’m trying to say.

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  4. Ouch. You don’t need someone like that in your life. Those bullet points make me feel terrible, and I’m not even the one they were directed at.

    I think that the friendship just wasn’t meant to be, perhaps. I don’t think you did anything wrong or inappropriate; in fact, all the lovely, thoughtful things you did would be loved and welcomed by someone else. I’m sure of it. So don’t think that it’s you.

    Honestly. I do lovely things like that for friends, and I’ve never had anyone react like that to it before. So I won’t go into all the things I’d like to say about K, but just know that you have people who care about you and love you in your life. Even your blogger friends 🙂

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    1. I just dont know what to say anymore. It’s not even that it hurts, but it’s that my “illusion” of her has been shattered. For years, she has been a role model for me; I never could have imagined that she would do something like this. It’s not her. It can’t be. So then who does that leave? If I was on the outside looking in at this, I would say the same thing that all of you are saying, but I’m not. And what about everything she did for me in the last few months? What changed now, all of the sudden? I just can’t make sense of it.

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  5. I’m so sorry to hear this 😦 I think, along with the loss of a friend, it sounds like there is also the shock of feeling stunned by not being able to make sense of her doing something that seems so out of character for who you thought her to be…..it sounds like it’s completely bewildering and doesn’t ‘fit’ and that’s what makes it so difficult to process….on top of the normal grief and loss that come with the end of a friendship. Is that what it’s like? Ugh. If so, then I definitely feel for you on this one. Mind-boggling actions by people we trusted and thought we knew can be some of the most difficult things to work through. But, even though her truth answers were blunt and hurtful, they are at the very least clear and leave no room for doubt. Wishing you healing and joy as you make your peace with this confusing pain and loss. ((Hugs))

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    1. Yes, that is exactly what it’s like. It is so out if character and so out of left field. Just a month ago she told me that she couldn’t express how much my friendship means to her… And now this, the complete opposite. As much as i want to grieve, i need to move forward. If the problem is that im too negative, well then i better work On that

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  6. Gennie, that’s so sad. I’m sorry.

    Don’t change who you are because.I’m sure that’s the reason you were such an important friend to her until she had this sudden change of heart. Perhaps telling her about this blog was the problem – maybe those deep innermost thoughts you shared anonymously were what overwhelmed her – most of us don’t share that much with even our closest friends.

    Hang in there, you’ll get through this, but don’t change the way you are. I’m sure you did nothing wrong and one day, you’ll find another special friend who will appreciate your kindness as much as K did in the past.

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    1. Thanks Juli, I really hoe your right. Maybe it was the blog, but I thought she was the typer of person who would accept me for everything about me. But I also thought she was the type of person who would never just abandon a friend. Oh well. When I was telling my husband about it, he said, “maybe she was trying hard to be something that she wasn’t around you – like you set her up on a pedestal and she tried to live up to that and then it got too much for her.” I never thought of that, but maybe it’s true. Who knows. But for the first time ever, I have to get past the feeling that this is all my fault.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Your husband sounds wise. Even with my limited knowledge of the situation, I’m sure you are not the one at fault, so I really hope you can get past that fast. Communication is the key to good friendships, and that’s what she denied you – good, open, honest communication. Look after yourself.

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  7. Damn, really sorry to hear that. I know you’re in a tough spot right now, but it doesn’t sound like it’s you; it’s her. A lot of people would kill to have a friend like you–someone who is obviously very thoughtful and caring–and for her to discard that, and in that particularly harsh manner, is ridiculous.

    Losing a friend is certainly tough, but know you’re just losing the idea of what she was, not what she really is.

    Liked by 1 person

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