I have something that I’ve been meaning to finish (and start, really) for quite some time. I’m hoping that by finishing the last part of my owl cross-stitch project, I will find some amount of closure.
It was always my intention to give K all three of the owl cross-stitches in the set that I was making as a “thank-you and good-bye” gift back before I moved. However, I fell behind and ended up giving her the first one at our good-bye lunch. I raced against the clock to finish the second one before I actually moved. At the time, I felt like I needed to finish it to gain a certain amount of closure around leaving behind one of my very best friends. With my car packed up, I drove by her house to give her the second owl on the day I drove away from that life. It was always my intention to have the third one finished shortly after I moved; however, it has fallen into the background. I have carried it around in my call bag for months and twice tried to start on it. Unfortunately, I never made much progress.
This week I thought about it again and I felt a huge amount of sadness and disappointment at the thought that it might never get done and she might never get it. What if, forever, I have an unsettled feeling because I never finished what I wanted her to have? What if there isn’t closure? There will always be a wound and a scar. The last one of the three owls is the most important of the set because it ties their message together. As difficult as these last few weeks have been for me, I realized that I need to make an effort to finish this project. I know, much like the second owl, it will provide some much needed closure. My goal is to have it done before the New Year. With Christmas just around the corner and the start of my General Surgery rotation even closer, it is quite an ambitious goal. However, I want to start 2015 with all this history and emotion behind me.
So tonight I sit in my call room and stitch away – reflecting, thinking, regretting, remembering, missing, and loving with every stitch I make.