All Posts

Day 30: The Project Ends

“Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.”
~Helen Keller

The end of November is finally here… and what an adventure it has been.

When I set out on this November adventure, I never could have imagined that it would have taken the turns that it has.  It was a challenge to complete the majority of NaBloPoMo, ad not because it was hard to keep up with all the writing: There was a large part of me that just didn’t want to think about or deal with the emotions I was feeling this month.  Blogging about the daily quotation that I gave to K was a constant reminder of everything that I just didn’t want to think about.  Maybe blogging is supposed to be fun and relaxing; however, I believe it should also be therapeutic.  I might have forced myself to complete the challenge because I didn’t want to give up on something that I started, but I also knew that if I quit the project, I would get lost in my own sea of emotions.

I was talking to my friend S. from medical school a few days ago.  She has been challenged with many of the similar problems I face as a first year resident and a parent.  Although she didn’t have to move away from her home, she did have to send her child overseas while she sorts out her childcare.  In this recent conversation she told me that she admired me.  She said, “you have been doing such an amazing job of coping despite the challenges you face.”  She went on to say how she has fallen into a cycle of eating, sleeping, and working and has had a difficult time feeling human.  The fact that I consistently try to reach out, to stay connected, to find solutions, and to make a daily effort at all of these things despite all of my difficulties – she finds that admirable.

I thanked her, but I’m not so sure I believe it all.  I’m not convinced that I do a remarkable job of anything.  I made it through this difficult month because I knew there was really no other option than to keep moving forward. And, I’ve made it through this last year for the same reason.  This year (and this month) has been challenging.  There have been more “downs” than “ups.” There are many, many things that I wish would have gone differently.  But (unfortunately?) that’s just what life is: A “Daring Adventure.”

I chose the end my “Owl” gift project for K with this quotation from Hellen Keller because it so aptly summarizes the theme of the whole month: Everything that makes life difficult and challenging also makes it worthwhile and rewarding.  Without adventure, life would be nothing.  And, I think Hellen Keller would know…

I haven’t heard from K regarding the quotes or gifts for most of the month.  I’m not sure if she’s been opening them and reading them, or if she’s been appreciating them.  As much as I wish I could know, maybe it’s better not to know.  I should concentrate on what the project meant to me and how it influenced my life over the past month.  I’m not sure I can succinctly describe how I have changed in the past 30 days.  And, maybe it’s a good thing that I didn’t give up on NaBloPoMo, because everything I experienced has been documented on my blog.

7 thoughts on “Day 30: The Project Ends

    1. Thanks! I hope it gets a little easier too. I think not being able to run as often (with my foot problems and whatnot) have made things a little more difficult than normal too.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. I know from what you have shared how hard this has been, so I commend you for keeping this up to help you work it out, or at least put it in a place to ‘see” it and work on later. ((Hugs)) to you for this accomplishment and for whatever you have coming up next.

    Like

    1. Thanks. I think December and Christmas are going to be hard as well. I almost decided to scrap all my christmas baking because I “didn’t have anyone to give it to.” But then I decided that I was being stupid and that I would just have to find new people to give it to. We’ll see how often I can change the negative around this month. (Sadly though, I am still trying to convince myself that I don’t need to/shouldn’t send baking in the mail to K)

      Like

  2. You can always send your baking to me. 😛 I don’t know the whole situation with K, of course, but I feel like if she hasn’t made any effort to contact you after you sent her such a thoughtful gift, then she doesn’t deserve your baking. I don’t know. I’m kind of mad at her on your behalf haha.

    Like

    1. Hahaha! I would love to send some baking. I have already eaten too much of it. I don’t know if maybe I am *too nice* or I am naive, or gullible or whatever, but I have a hard time believing that people are “mean” (for lack of a better term). What I mean to say is that I honestly believe that something “big” must be going on with K for her to not think about, or not have time for me – or thank me, or anything along those lines. Maybe I think that because I want to believe that is the case because it hurts less, or maybe because I know that she is too nice of a person to do that to someone… Part of me feels what you feel and wants to be mad – it’s hard not to. However, part of me feels like I need to get over that anger and giver her what she needs from me – support (even if its only in the form of baking)… Again, maybe I’m too nice or naive, or I just don’t know how to let go…

      Like

Tell me what you think, I'd like to know...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s