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Day 26: Dear Charlie Brown

“Sometimes I lie awake at night and I ask, ‘where have I gone wrong?’  Then a voice says to me, ‘This is going to take more than one night.”
~Charles M. Schultz

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I know what you mean, Charlie. I go through this on most nights. Despite realizing that it will take more than one might to recount all my mistakes, I just stay awake for most of the night thinking about everything. I must eventually get bored because I finally do fall asleep.
The worst nights are those when I’m on call; I get woken up multiple times and then have to try to fall asleep again multiple times. Each time it’s time to fall asleep again, I pick right back up where I left off when I fell asleep the last time. It’s usually quite a torturous night…
It’s always hard to know what are “mistakes” in life and what are just “the natural progression” of life events. Sometimes I can’t. Decide what’s worse between the two. If it’s just the way things were supposed to go, then it’s disheartening to know that there is no control and there is nothing you can do to change things. If something was a mistake, however, you feel bad about making a mistake but at least there is the possibility that you can make up for it…. Maybe.
Oh Charlie Brown, I wish I had the answers. If I did, I would be getting much more sleep at night. I would also feel like I was learning something about my life. Everything would be worth it, because I would become a better person, eventually. Hopefully it would also mean is make less mistakes in life.

3 thoughts on “Day 26: Dear Charlie Brown

  1. Admitting you’ve made a mistake is half the battle, the next step is working out why you made that mistake and then trying to learn the lesson so it doesn’t happen again. I imagine all your introspection will lead you to those answers if you don’t have them already.
    My mistakes have generally stemmed from fear – not saying or doing something based on the fear of how the other person will react/respond to my actions. Now each time I find myself dithering over a decision involving someone else, I try to work against those fears – especially when I’m only guessing how the other person might feel.
    I hope you start getting good sleeps soon. Doctors need all the sleep they can get.

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