“Life is just one damn thing after another.”
I picked this quotation because, at the time it made me chuckle. It’s kinda funny, don’t you think? Maybe in a little cynical and twisted way… Regardless, I thought it might put a little smile on her face.
Now it’s just too literal for my liking. I don’t really think it’s that funny at the moment. Perhaps because it is too accurate a description of what I’m feeling.
I need this month to be over. It’s hard enough to give her space and blend into the background even without the element of November. A whole NaBloPoMo project based on a gift I put together – with something optimistic or inspiring or humorous to read everyday. I had so much that I wanted to say and to share, but I don’t want to do it anymore.
I thought it was going to be something we would enjoy together and to help us get through a crappy month. But now I don’t even know if she’s reading them. I don’t know if she’s opening the gifts. It makes me sad to think that all the thought, and kindness, and love that I packaged into that little box might be just sitting in a corner of isolation.
We haven’t “talked” in 6 days. I don’t think we have gone even a day or two without at least one text message in the last 8 or 9 months. I’ve sent a few texts to just say “hi, I hope you’re having a good day,” but I never get anything back. I’m sad. I hope she’s okay.
“My life is one damn thing after another,” it seems. I didn’t realize I f*cked up this bad. I think it’s the worst thing that’s happened to me in a long time. But, it’s not about me. (Well maybe a little bit, because I miss her support and our chats and our challenges with each other). This is about her, and I don’t want to make things more difficult.
I just want us to be okay.
I want her to be okay.