“It takes ten times as long to put yourself back together as it does to fall apart.”
I’m pretty sure this should say that it takes 100x longer to put yourself back together! Either that, or it took me 10x longer to fall apart than I thought it did…
For the last half of NaBloPoMo, I am going to attempt to be more positive. No one likes someone who complains all the time. So, to complement this very accurate quotation, I thought I would reference the Japanese art of kintsukuroi. I learned about this quite a while ago, probably through blogging, and since then I have thought about it often.
As I child, I remember my mom always getting so angry when something fragile would break because she could never glue it back together without it looking perfect. This gave me the idea, from a young age, that you are never as good as you were before you were broken. Anytime I got in trouble or got hurt in some way, I just imagined that it made me less “valuable.” When I came across this Japanese idea of accentuating flaws – because it makes something more beautiful – I suddenly felt so much less “broken.”
I am sure that over the past few weeks (months, even), I have forgotten about this idea. It only takes a second to drop a beautiful bowl and watch it shatter on the ground. But to sit down, piece it back together, and bind with with gold – well, that takes much longer. And in the end, the bowl is even more beautiful than it was before. I have a hard time believing that I will be better, or “more beautiful” after I have fully recovered from this struggle. Maybe that’s why I have moments where I am more hopeless than others. Regardless, I need to spend more time reflecting on how to move forward: I need to find some gold lacquer and piece my life back together.