“It’s a good thing to have the props pulled out from under us occasionally. It gives us some sense of what is rock under our feet, and what is sand.”
I don’t have many rocks. I knew that before everything fell apart, and I certainly didn’t need any “props” pulled our from underneath me to learn this. One if the biggest factors that I took into account when I was making decisions about where I wanted to do my residency was where I would have the most support. Hands down, I knew that there was only one place where that would be.
I didn’t even have to convince Husband of that. He knew it already. He agreed with me wholeheartedly and it was most likely the reason why he didn’t put up much of a fight when I told him I wanted to stay in a city that he really didn’t like. He knew it was the only place where I would continue to thrive.
This is why it is no surprise to me that I am having a hard time adjusting to my new life. The only rocks I have live 500 Km away from me. And while I only have a small umber of supportive rocks, at least if I had stayed where I was, I would still have the sand too. Either way, The people whom I predicted would be my rocks – well, they have been my rocks.
I took yesterday off of work and spend the past few days back “home” to visit my close friends. One of them opened up her home to me and my family. She bought us food and put fresh flowers by my bed. No one has ever done that for me before! It was wonderful to arrive and have a smiling face and open arms waiting for me.
Every day was filled with plans and playdates with my “mommy and medicine” friends (the friend I stayed with falls into this category). Everyone who has been there to support me through this tough time was seen on this little trip. I even convinced Husband to come with the kids so that I could have everyone who is meaningful and supportive in my life all around me again (he wasn’t going to come because he does’t really like the city and he didn’t want to do all the driving). It was such a relief to not feel like I was using my one long-weekend off in “forever” to choose between visiting friends or spending time with my family. This was perfect.
If I learned any lesson from what has happened, it is not about what was or who are my rocks. I was pretty confident about that. It was, however, an eye opening experience to learn what/who was sand. It is easy to get caught up in life and believe that everything is important, instrumental, and permanent, even when that’s not reality. I got too comfortable on the beach that was once my life – I had some beautiful rocks around me, and they were the only things that stayed with me after the tsunami washed everything else away.
I might not have many rocks, and most of them are quite a distance away, but they are doing a pretty good job of keeping me on my feet. I’m hoping that it won’t take too long for the chasm between the rocks to fill again. Until then, however, I will continue to be eternally grateful for the strength my rocks provide.