Mommy Stuff

Kid For Sale

Okay, maybe not…

But I am seriously at the end of the rope with A.  His behaviour is becoming intolerable.  I don’t even want to admit it, but yesterday I spanked him for the first time ever.
Over the past few months he has been acting out more, becoming more aggressive towards his brother, talking back and yelling at husband and I more often, and blatantly refusing to do what we ask him to do.  The scariest part of the whole thing is that he doesn’t seem have any remorse for his actions and he doesn’t seem to care about his punishments.  If you ask him why he did something (like hit is brother, or throw a toy at the nanny), he replies by saying “because I wanted to.”  When you question him about his side of the story, he usually describes the situation exactly like it happened, in a matter of fact tone of voice, without caring that what he did was wrong.

As an example, yesterday I was out running errands and my Nanny texted me and asked if I could come home right away because A was hurting her and E.  When I got home, I asked her for the story.  Then I talked to A, and this is what he said:
“I was hitting E. on the head with the [toy broom] and then [nanny] took it away from me.  She wouldn’t give it back to me and I was mad at her, so I threw the bowl at her and it broke.  Then she told me to go to my room but I didn’t want to so I went in the garage and threw your shoes everywhere then ran onto the road.”  But Mommy, can I still go to soccer tonight?”

Seriously, what do you do with that?  He refused to listen to me after that, when I told him he had to go to his room.  The situation escalated until I finally had no patience left…

How do you deal with a child like that?  Should I be concerned, or is this normal 4-year-old behaviour?

19 thoughts on “Kid For Sale

  1. We’ve been going through things like this with our 4.5 year old as well, AND we have one in terrible twos. I feel like my life is a never ending roller coaster that makes me want to barf. or drink. heavily.

    with all jokes aside, I hope it gets better hun!

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  2. Yikes, I am sorry it is such a difficult time right now! How have you punished for misbehavior before?

    *trying to think back to M at 4, not sure if I can or have blocked it out on purpose*

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    1. Weve tried talking about things, confiscation, time out, grounding, even excessive positive reinforcement. Nothingg seems to work!

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  3. It almost sounds like he has, um had to look it up, opposition defiance disorder. My friend had a younger brother with that. Reverse psychology doesn’t work either, they catch that pretty quick. I can’t remember what the mom had to do in that case. Wish I could be more help. I never had to deal with something like that. I hope other people have some good suggestions.

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    1. Yes, that is what im afraid of! Im sure he had ADHD, which is a predisposing factor for ODD, but he cant really be diagnosed until school age – wait and see, I guess. In the meantime, ill just keep my fingers crossed that it is a stage.

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  4. My son has ODD and ADHD…he was officially diagnosed when he was 6 years old – he is now almost 12. But what you are describing sounds exactly like my son at that age. It might be worth looking into with a psychologist to see if there are some interventions you can try now. My son got put on meds when he was 7 and it has helped somewhat. I find you have to be especially consistent with schedules and routines. Also have you read the book The Explosive Child? http://www.amazon.ca/Explosive-Child-Ross-W-Greene/dp/0060931027/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1414527105&sr=8-2&keywords=the+explosive+child I found that one had some helpful advice too. If you want to talk more about it I’m happy to share our experiences.

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    1. Thanks! We are in the process of getting him in to a behacioural and therapy program. We just moved to a new city a few months ago, so starting from square 1

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    1. Yes, the earlier the better. Unfortunately it needs to be diagnosed with rating scales from two separate setting, such as school and home – so most kids dont get diagnosed until age 5 or 6 at the earliest. We are hoping to get him in to see someone sooner than that though

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  5. Our little guy went through that at age 4 as well. Sweet as can be most of the time, but then it was like a flip switched and he would hit his dad or me. Preliminary tests show that he likely has ADHD, and while the hitting stuff stopped, he can still be argumentative, thinks he has to do everything his way, etc. at almost age 7 (so I’m thinking possibly ODD as well).

    We did try spanking him a few times, but it just made things worse. He acted like he didn’t care about taking toys or other privileges at first, but after sticking to that for a while, it started helping a lot. Still does.

    Good luck to you.

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  6. Does he need to understand that it’s okay to be angry – everyone gets angry sometimes – but we all have to learn how to manage our anger without hurting other people? His life has been turned upside down this year, and you haven’t been happy which kids can pick up on, plus, to top it off, there’s this new person who’s stepped in to replace you (perhaps in his little mind?). I was just wondering if he’s testing you and your partner’s unconditional love.
    Good luck. The best thing about children (and sometimes the saddest) is that they’re always changing.

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  7. Just wanted you to know youre not alone! My 4 yr old can be a terror at times. I was hoping its just a stage that will soon pass, but now reading about this ODD…anyway, hang in there. hopefully our sweet little cherubs will soon return.

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