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Below the goal line

Last week’s Building Rome challenge did not go very well.  If you don’t already know, Building Rome is a weekly challenge about making small goals for yourself and (hopefully) seeing them through.  Up until now I have done a pretty good job (I think).  However, this week was a little off.  I won’t say it was from a lack of trying… completely… but there were some challenges.  Here was my list from last week:

1. Write a post for the Stories That Must Not Die.
2. Run 3 times
3. Continue with mindfulness exercises everyday
4. Finish assembling my “thankfulness gift” journal that I’ve been writing in for K (because I’m going back “home” for the long weekend and I’m going to see her!)
5. Focus on the things I like about my new program and city instead of the things I miss about “home”

So, I accomplished 2/5 of the goals I set out.  Let me just say, though, that it wasn’t all from a lack of effort.

For #1, I actually sat down a few times to start writing what I wanted to write for Stories That Must Not Die.  Unfortunately I just couldn’t get “into” the topic of my abuse.  It wasn’t even that I couldn’t get into it because I don’t like to talk about it or revisit it.  It was more because I just don’t feel like it is something that I think about or dwell on much anymore.  I feel like it’s not a part of who I am anymore (which is good I guess, but also a little bad because it is something that makes me the person I am today).  This change made it difficult for me to figure out what to say because I don’t feel like I have the same emotional connectivity to it that I used to.  Maybe I just need to come at it from a different angle? Maybe it means that the story has already died? Or maybe it just means that it occupies a different part of “me” now.

For #2 – well I only ran once last week… I could have run twice, and I had every intention of running a second time except that I forgot to bring my running shoes on my weekend trip.  I packed everything else: sports bra, shirt, shorts, socks, arm band, headphones… But no actual running shoes…

For #5, I think I might have been doing an okay job of this up until I went “home” for the weekend.  It was so great to see my friends and go back to doing all the things and visiting all the places I did before we moved.  But it also reminded me of how much I miss it and how much I don’t have that here.  While I was away, it was almost impossible to not think about all the things I hated about my new life.  A huge part of me didn’t want to come home, and as we were coming hope, a huge part of me felt that maybe I should go back again… at least for a little while.

I’ve been working on this draft for 3 days now, so my goals are a little late and also in progress, I won’t comment on how they are going, otherwise it’s kind of like cheating… But, here they are:

1. Run 3 times
2. Make appointment/visit my doctor to discuss anxiety meds
3. Blog at least 3 times
4. Have more patience with my kids

I’ll let you know next week (hopefully earlier than later) how these all went 🙂

13 thoughts on “Below the goal line

  1. It seems to me you’re doing pretty great. You’re taking the time to get things done with what you have and well life happens. I am going to start taking anxiety meds for the first time, tomorrow (I saw my doctor yesterday and that was one thing I talked about). Can’t wait for your next update. 🙂

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  2. I think it’s a big positive that you no longer feel the need to write about a negative time in your past. To me, that says you’ve dealt with it to the point it no longer affects you. You’ve moved on because you learnt from the experience. Now, you can focus on your current experiences and learn from them as well.

    Congratulations.

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    1. Thanks, Juli. Let me tell you – the current experiences are also starting to kill me a little bit too. I hope they will improve 😦

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    1. I tend to agree with that idea too. I find that setting goals for things that I would otherwise do makes me slightly more accountable – so in that instance when I could go for a run but I don’t want to go for a run and it will determine whether or not I meet my goal, I might be more motivated to go just I can say I met the goal. It doesn’t always work though…

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