I feel like I have so much to say and no time to say it. I should start by thanking everyone who has continued to read all my posts and comment during this busy and trying time. I know I haven’t been around much, but I want you to all know that I read every single comment that gets left, even if I don’t have time to reply to them all. My last two posts about my recent goals and about not coping well with the start of residency have been met with great readership and comments – and they have been getting me through. Thank-you blogging world: You have pulled through for me yet again.
I won’t say that things are getting easier, because they aren’t. I had a few good days – Thursday and Friday felt better than most, and then I had a glorious weekend off of call. However, back to work this week has brought back the feelings that were drowning me before. I spend all day wanting to write about what I’m going through, but then when I finally have time to sit down (after the kids are in bed and the house is tidied, and the lunches are made), I really have no energy to write anything meaningful.
Despite the difficulties I am going through right now, I thought I would share a little bit of the greatness I’ve had: This weekend was my 31st birthday and it was actually pretty great. My mom came for a visit and as a family, we had a wonderful time. Husband bought me some new Pandora Essence charms that are supposed to represent “Happiness” and “Positivity.” He gave me a card explaining that he didn’t think he knew how to bring those things into my life, so the next best thing he could do was give me something to represent them. It was very sweet.
I also ran a 10K train run on the day of my birthday. I almost didn’t register for it because I was pretty depressed about the move and everything. But then I figured that I would be even more disappointed with myself if I woke up on the morning of my birthday and knew that I could have been running a race but I wasn’t… for no good reason. With all the hesitancy, it turned out to be a fantastic run. The trail was beautiful and I was challenged by some great people running ahead of me and passing me… I even beat my best 10K time by almost a minute! My new personal best for 10K distance is now 53:37!! I can’t believe it. I ranked 28th overall, 9th for my gender, and 5th in my division (Female 26-35). That’s really not too shabby. I feel very proud of myself.
I still wish I could go back in time and change what has happened. I want to be back where I used to be, with all my friends and with the comfort of the familiar. However, I hope that the glimmer of greatness and happiness that I had over the weekend is the beginning of me feeling better about everything that is going on right now. I hope that soon the good days will match the bad days and eventually overtake them. I’m not so naive to believe that the hard part is over, but it was nice to know that I still have the ability to feel happy.