Mommy Stuff

I’m a bad parent

Yesterday I watched this video:

 

Then tonight I was watching A. play quietly on the floor while I was looking at some stuff on the computer.  I realized that he didn’t ask me to play with him, like he usually does.  I closed my computer and asked his what he was doing.

“I’m just playing with my trucks, Mommy.”
“Oh, do you want me to play with you?”
“Oh Yes!  If you’re not busy Mommy.”

My heart broke a little bit.  My 4-year-old gets the impression that I am too busy to play with him.  And, the sad reality is that I am usually doing something on my phone or my computer while my kids are playing.  Sure, I talk to them and I interact with them, but I don’t often get down on the floor with them and give them my undivided attention.  Some of the time I can blame it on me “studying,” but right now I certainly can’t use that excuse.

So tonight I got on the floor and we just played “trucks.”  He was so unbelievably cute and I could tell that he was just so, so excited to be playing with me.

What have I been doing?  What have I been missing?  Maybe the reason I get so irritated and frustrated by my kids is because I spend so much time doing other things when I should be with them: It’s like they are interrupting the other “important” things in my life.  What a horrible, horrible thought – and I think it is pretty close to my reality, even if I don’t want to admit it.

Perhaps I will get more satisfaction out of my life if I stop concerning myself so much with what goes on on the internet and on the phone.  Maybe I will feel like my life is much more rewarding if I spend quality time with the most important people in my life, instead of trying to seek out important relationships with people who are far away from me.

I have two beautiful children (and a wonderful husband) who obviously would love to have my love, affection, and attention, and I don’t always give them what I should.  Maybe, instead of making it a goal to blog every day, I should make it a goal to enjoy my children every day.  Maybe that will bring me more in-touch with the “real me.”

3 thoughts on “I’m a bad parent

  1. It’s tough these days to balance family with everything else that’s going on around us, but as long as you’re aware that they are your priority, you’ll all be okay.
    It wouldn’t be healthy for your children to constantly have you hovering over them and wanting to join in with all their games. Children are great at entertaining themselves.
    Enjoy spontaneous interaction with them, because that’s showing they are your priority, but you can still have other activities in your life.
    And likewise, if you don’t want to blog, don’t.
    Go with what feels best.

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    1. Thanks, Juli. I think I just spend too much time looking for rewards and validation outside of my family life and I overlook the fact that I have a wonderful resource of fulfillment right in front of me. In my attempts to find satisfaction in other places, I neglect the things that should matter the most to me.
      I am a firm believer that kids need to be able to entertain themselves, and my kids do an okay job of that. But last night I just felt like they had given up on me because I don’t pay enough attention to them. Whether that’s true or not, I don’t know, but I know it was a crappy feeling to think that way.

      Like

  2. I hope you’re feeling better. It’s never too late to make them more of a priority if you think you’ve been failing them, but as you know, you’re a tough judge on yourself, so you probably haven’t.

    Good luck.

    Like

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