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No One Likes Change

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.”
~Laozi

Why do we fear change?  Are we afraid of the unknown or are we afraid to leave behind what we know?  Maybe it’s a combination of both…

I have been trying hard to be excited about my upcoming move and generally, I am excited about many aspects.  However, more often than not I am overcome with feeling of sadness and anxiety about the prospect of the change.  The two biggest things that make me sad are the knowledge of leaving my friends and my social circle behind (and going to nothing), and the idea that I’m not going to be a part of the program and the university that I have come to call my own.  I try to tell myself that I will come to love and belong to the new program and university.  But I am most worried about meeting new people and developing a new groups of friends.

I think that this is hard for most people in the same situation.  However, I feel like I am even more disadvantaged because I am going to be busy with residency and I will be busy with my kids.  It is hard for people who are not doctors/residents to understand the stress and demands of that lifestyle, so its no surprise that we often make friends with each other.  Similarly, it’s difficult for people who don’t have kids to understand the stress and demands of that lifestyle and it’s always nice to have friends who have kids because then you can have play-dates.  As you can probably imagine, at least at my stage of the game, most people are not both new residents and parents.  I have many friends where I live now, but my most supportive friends are those who wear both the hats that I wear.

Moving to a new place and starting over feels like it will be extremely difficult given how busy I will be with work and how little time I’ll have to meet new people.  I will likely meet many new residents at work – but will I fit in well when I always have to run home to my kids and my family.  And, how can I meet new “mom friends” when I am always at work and I can never participate in the daytime playdates?

I am trying hard to not resist the change that is about to come, but it is just so hard to not be nostalgic about the comfortable and rewarding relationships I am leaving, only to go to a place where I will have start over from nothing.

3 thoughts on “No One Likes Change

  1. Even though I am neither a new resident nor a parent, I can definitely appreciate your situation and how difficult it must be to make true friends. I struggled a lot with making friends in medical school – I still don’t feel like I have any true friends here – and I know that it’s isolating.

    I have no advice and I can’t promise that it won’t be difficult – all I can give you is my internet support. But that I give freely! 🙂

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    1. Thanks! This is definitely a difficult situation for anyone to be in. I remember not feeling like I made really good friends in medical school until well into my second/third year. It was a hard thing to do and now I am leaving them all behind! I found that clerkship was a huge bonding experience for me, and a lot of other people too… it will get better!

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  2. When we moved to another country where I didn’t know a soul, I was nervous about my ability to make friends. I’d been living in the one town building friendships for almost thirty years at that point, and I believed I didn’t make friends fast. I still think that’s true, but the internet was my saviour – I kept up contact with my friends and family that way, and now I have internet friends in both the US and the UK.

    I know your situation will be more difficult because of your work, but I imagine there will be other new residents feeling the same way you do, and you’ll find each other. It always happens when you’re open to the possibilities, and I believe you will be.

    Go with the flow.

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