Picking up the pieces

I am back at work today. I thought that getting back to work would help to distract me from my sadness, and it would give me the opportunity to talk about how excited I am to start something new. Instead, I am finding it difficult to even feel motivated. I’ve spent 3.5 years working has hard as I could for an end goal and it didn’t pay off.
I know in reality it did pay off, because I was chosen by a super competitive program and they liked me enough to want me. But, it won’t change the feeling I have that my hard work didn’t pay off because I didn’t get the spot that I ultimately wanted.
I sit here in between rheumatology patients wondering what point there is to me working hard. I don’t care about rheumatology that much, I certainly don’t have to impress anyone anymore, and it won’t be long and I’ll never be walking through these hallways again.
I know life goes on, I know I’ll get through this, and I know that the last thing I want is for people to think “look at how sore of a loser she is, it’s a good thin we didn’t pick her after all.” In fact, that is the complete opposite of what I want.
So, I will pick up the pieces as best I can and I will hold my head up high. I will show everyone that I am someone they are sorry to lose.