Emotional Baggage · Medical School

Shattered

Match day did not go as planned.

I didn’t get my first choice – my home program – which has really shocked everyone I know.

I didn’t get my second choice, either.  So, all that fretting over which to pick first and second really didn’t matter.

I got my third choice.  I am still going to be an obstetrician/gynecologist.  I am just going to be doing my training somewhere else.  I am thankful, at least, that I will get to do my dream job.

I spent most of the day yesterday crying – crying in pain from my surgery, and crying for everything that I will be leaving behind in a few short months.  I have a wonderful life here and I am so sad that I have to pick up and leave and there is nothing I can do about it.  I have really been trying to concentrate on the positive aspects about it all: I will actually be closer to my family, which was a concern of mine from the beginning.  I will be in a better training program than the one they have here, I will have more opportunity, I will be working in a higher risk centre with more to learn, I will be working in a brand-new, state of the art women’s hospital.  There are more positives… really.  And, I did feel really good about that program when I went there for an elective and for interviews.

Despite all the positive aspects, it doesn’t change the fact that I’ll be leaving behind so, so much.  My friends, my mentors, my support network, my dream house, my security, the perfect vision I had for my perfect future here.  All of that is gone.

I know, eventually I will make a new home.  I know I will be okay.  But that doesn’t make this hurt any less.

23 thoughts on “Shattered

  1. So sorry to read this. The Match is an awful procedure. I hated it. I didn’t match at all and has to go through the second round. In the end it was the best thing that could have happened to me but at the time I was devastated. It took a long time to get there. I wish you all the best.

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    1. I am excited for the new opportunity, and I know that it will all be okay in the end. I’m just so shocked, as is everyone here… It was so unusual. For the first time in 15 years, the program did not match any of it’s own students

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  2. Sorry to hear this. I know it doesn’t help now, but like Dr Mom’s experience, I’ve been dreadfully disappointed by not getting the position I thought I wanted, and later realised that missing out led me to the best work experience of my life. I hope one day you’ll realise the same has happened to you.

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    1. I think all of you are right. Part of me is excited to go… I just wish I could bring my current life with me. Leaving something behind is always hard

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  3. I’m sorry the match didn’t work out how you’d expected it to! There was one girl from my school this year who applied to every OB/GYN program in the country, interviewed at 5 places, and didn’t end up matching. Of course, now I’m good and terrified for CaRMS next year.

    Like some of the other commenters, I hope that one day you can look back at this and it’ll have been a blessing in disguise.

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    1. I know who you are talking about. I feel so bad about that because she was awesome on the tour. I know I am lucky to have a spot

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        1. I think I am just so disappointed because I am so happy here. I am having a hard time accepting that I have to leave so much behind and I can’t seem to get a good grasp of what I’m getting into.

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        2. Absolutely. I can imagine that it must be hard to process, since I’m sure you were really expecting to get into your home program.

          Ah, the mystery of CaRMS.

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  4. So sorry, Cranky Giraffe. I can only imagine how disappointed you must be. It’s always tough because you want to be grateful, but you’re still disappointed. From reading your previous posts, I think you’re an incredibly resilient person and I really look forward to seeing how you overcome this and adjust into a less-than-perfect situation and kick ass. 🙂

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  5. I’m so sorry. I know I don’t really know you very well, nor the match-thing, but I was pretty convinced you would get your first choice too.
    Thank you for sharing this. It is brave, sharing your anguish, and I appreciate that.
    I am really, really sorry for your pain (not just the surgical one).
    All-in-all, it does sound like the program you matched with might end up being really good for you, but it doesn’t change the fact that you are hurt and disappointed. I really, really hope that you will have the support you need to get through this, and that you will feel better soon.
    Hugs.

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    1. Thank-you. Every day, I feel like I get close to a peaceful acceptance. Once I am there and in the middle of things, I’m sure I will feel like it was what needed to happen.

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