Today is the day. This is the last day to make a decision about where I want to go for my residency. There are no sure things, but the order I specify takes precedence over the programs who request to have me. So really, I have to be sure that I really want my first choice, because if they want me, then it’s a match made in… well, it’s a match.
I submitted my list over 10 days ago, but today I started having cold feet. I had a bit of a freak-out that maybe I was making the wrong decision… or the right decision for the wrong reasons… I don’t know. There was a part of me that felt like I was trying to convince myself that I was making the right decision. And, nothing screams wrong decision more than feeling like you have to convincer yourself of it.
Either way, I had a good talk about it with my good friend and neighbour, as well as DH, and I think it was really just a case of cold feet. I know that I want to stay here even though I feel that maybe moving back home is the better decision for my family. DH doesn’t necessarily agree with that; He thinks that it might be good for the kids o be closer to family, but not at the expense of having a happy and satisfied Mom. Ultimately, if I changed things around I think I would have been hoping that my first choice didn’t really want me so that I’d stay here anyway. To me, that seems to say that deep down, no matter the reasons, the bigger part of me wants to stay here.
So here it stays. My current program is in my number one spot and that can’t change after 4:00 EST today. Here’s to hoping it’s the right decision.