“I pledge my commitment to the Blog for Mental Health 2014 Project. I will blog about mental health topics not only for myself, but for others. By displaying this badge, I show my pride, dedication, and acceptance for mental health. I use this to promote mental health education in the struggle to erase stigma.”*
Anxiety is beginning to cripple me. Actually, I think it has been crippling me for a while and I’ve just now realized how much of a grasp it has had on me.
I feel stuck and frozen and unable to do any of the things I know I need to do. Interestingly, I know they will get done and I know they’ll get done well (or well enough). In the meantime, however, the anxiety is killing me. It is eating me alive.
I am feeling overwhelmed for no reason – Overwhelmed from anxiety – nothing else.
I am doubting myself and my decisions – Because anxiety makes me over think everything.
I am feeling needy and lonely – because my anxiety is making me feel insecure in my own skin.
I am nauseous. All the time. I thought it was just my abdominal problem causing the nausea, but suddenly, I am even more nauseous.
I’m not new to anxiety – it started when I was 19. It probably started before then, but I only began to recognize it then. I was doing well, managing well, keeping it together well until a year ago when I started clerkship and an unfortunate situation took place. Things have gotten better and then worse and better again over the past year. But now, with some of the biggest changes in my life coming up, I think my anxiety is on the road to becoming the worst it’s ever been.
The scariest thing: I don’t know what to do about it. I’m already taking medication. I’m already seeing a psychiatrist. I am already exercising regularly. I am already reaching out to the people whom I know can help me (without being too needy). But at this moment in time, I feel like everything is failing me.
Until I find an appropriate way to manage this anxiety, I think it will only continue to cripple me. And with each new situation that comes my way, it will only become more and more debilitating. This situation will be over in 3 weeks. But another one will come. They always do.
*Blog for Mental Health – 2014