On our little vacation, DH and I sat down and had “the conversation” that we’ve been putting off for a while.
The Baby #3 conversation.
Here’s the Coles Notes Summary:
Yes, we both want another baby. We love watching our boys grow up, they are both such interesting and individual people, and a third would just add so much more to our lives. Plus, it would really be nice to have a girl… (fat chance of that, though)
However, DH has no guarantee of a job when he is finished his board exams in September. While my residency salary will be roughly equivalent to what we get now through his training grant and my loans, we will have a few other extra expenses (like paying off loans, and the practically double-mortgage on our new house) that we don’t have now. Worst case scenario is that he works as a “plain veterinarian” and that would still push our household income into the 6 figures. But, that isn’t guaranteed either, it could still take months for him to find that job in our city, and it’s not what he really wants to do.
And then, I start residency. I’ve got the having kids in medical school, time management for studying/parenting under pretty good control, but I don’t know what to expect in residency. Everyone I’ve talked to (K, O&G residents who have had babies in residency, etc.) have said that I either do it in first year or wait until fourth year. DH said he doesn’t want to have 6 years between E. and the next baby. So it has to be next year
I also had quite a few complications in my last pregnancy, I almost had to take a leave from school, and the worst complication presented an increased risk of unexplained, late-term still-birth. That complication has a 60% recurrence rate in subsequent pregnancies. That means a high likelihood of another complicated pregnancy with an early induction.
So basically: Baby #3 is a now or never kind of thing. I have no idea what it will mean for my training, or what kind of pregnancy I will have. And, I’m pretty convinced that another boy is in the cards. Given the shenanigans that happen with two boys, I’m not sure I can handle three. If only I could be guaranteed a girl…
So, right now I have a huge decision to make. If we want to have a baby while I’m in first year of residency, we need to start trying in a few months. Well, that sounds like I still have some time to think about it, right? Except that I have an IUD, and that would need to come out now just to make sure that everything is in working order in a few months. I feel like the decision to have it taken out is the final, definitive answer to this decision.
I am just so unsure this time around. The last two times, I knew I wanted them, regardless of what challenges we faced. Does that mean I don’t want this baby as much?
I need some objective advice here…