When I opened my fortune cookie the other day I received this message. However, I initially miss-understood the fortune and thought it meant something different than what it does. I believe the fortune implies that someone who has admired me for a long time thinks highly of me. That would make sense, and it is kind of obvious; I mean, why would someone admire you if they didn’t think highly of you?
In my haste of reading, I thought it meant that someone whom I’ve admired for a long time thinks highly of me. Maybe it was a freudian thought – much like a freudian slip – because I was instantly excited at the thought that someone (the only person, really) whom I’ve admired might actually think highly of me. I think, perhaps, the freudian thought occurred because I already “know” that my thought is a reality, I just don’t often believe it. For some reason I need some kind of solid, tangible evidence that this is really the case. But who am I kidding? Since when is a fortune cookie tangible evidence for anything?
Lets look at the other possible tangible pieces of “evidence” that support the belief that the person I admire thinks highly of me:
1. In the month of October, we got together outside of the hospital for playdates with our kids on 2 separate occasions. One was a Breast Cancer walk/run, which I invited her to (and she didn’t turn it down, like my poor self esteem led me to believe she would), and the second was a trip to a corn maze, which she invited me to.
2. On our last outing, she invited me to join a group of her friends who all participate in a bi-monthly splurge group. Yes, she has invited me into a circle of her friends outside of our professional relationship.
3. She consistently writes strong evaluations of me on the clinical rotations I’ve done with her. Here is a sample from one of my evaluations from her:
“Once in awhile, there comes a student who is a little more enthusiastic than the others, who works harder than the others, who is smarter than the others, and who asks truly intelligent and thoughtful questions much more than the others.”
*4. She told me she’s been thinking a lot about us being friends despite the hierarchy in our professional relationship and she said: “it’s just going to have to work because it would be very sad if we couldn’t be friends just because I’m staff and you’re a resident here… I would be sad.”
I’m sure there are more examples that I’m not thinking about right now. However, I don’t *think* I need more evidence. So, why do I still search for it everywhere? Why am I slightly disappointed when I realize that I misunderstood my stupid fortune cookie fortune? I thought I needed to take a moment to properly interpret and understand my fortune cookie. However, I think what I really need to do is to take a moment to understand the reality of the situation that this fortune cookie brought to my mind.
Maybe the fortune cookie is smarter than I think…
*After this post was written but before it was posted, I worked up the courage to battle my anxiety and thank K in person for her support this past weekend. #4 is what came out of that conversation.