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I’m Still Here

I’ve been a little absent from blogging lately, I know.  Last week I was on vacation, and this week, well… I have no excuse really.  There have been many things that I have thought about blogging, but I just never got around to sitting down and blogging.  I think part of it has to do with this “blah” feeling I have towards most things right now.  I’m not sure where it is coming from.

After my intense dislike of life that began with Internal Medicine (which is finally done!!!), I decided to go up on my anxiety medication.  I thought it might help with my irritability and my low mood a little.  So maybe that has something to do with it.  I’ve also been trying to spend as much time as I can with the boys because today I left home for a two-week elective in another city.  I was very anxious and sad about the prospect of not seeing my boys for almost 2 weeks.  I am still pretty sad about it, but here I am sitting in my little room in an old Bed and Breakfast the night before my Maternal Fetal Medicine elective…  I hope I have a great experience to make the time away from the family worthwhile.

In the meantime, I am trying to figure out what I’m going to do with myself and all this “free time” I’ll have over the next two weeks.  Essentially, I am a single woman again!  Tonight I unpacked and took a walk (about 30 min one way) to the hospital I’ll be working at.  I brought my bike from home, just in case I thought it was a little too far to walk, but as long as the weather holds out, I think I can manage the walk.  I also caught up on my ab challenge (I’m a few days behind, I’m not gonna lie).  But, if I skip the next two rest days (or at least skip two before the end of the month) I’ll be all caught up.  I was dismayed to find that I’ve gained about 6 pounds in the last 4 weeks (probably mostly from my vacation) so I really need to work hard in these next two weeks to make good food choices and keep up with the exercise.

I’ve also had a lot of K on my mind lately… sometimes I wish I could blog more about it, but most of the time I don’t even know what I want to say about it (her).  A few nights ago we went out for wine and cheesecake (again) to “celebrate” my birthday, to catch up, and for her to lend me a Fetology textbook for me to take on my elective.  I had such a great time.  It feels like every time we get together, we are more and more comfortable… more and more familiar… yet not quite enough.  I don’t think that feeling will ever go away as long as I am a med student/resident.  Sometimes I wish I was making the decision to go away for residency just so we wouldn’t have that barrier between us.  But then we would be living in different cities, and that would probably be worse.  See… it’s complicated.  And that in itself makes me feel strange and confused.

Anyway… that is pretty much everything that has been occupying my time and my mind while I’ve been missing from the blogosphere.  Hopefully in the next two weeks I’ll find my blogging groove again.

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