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Je Ne Sais Pas.

First, I know I promised a week of guest bloggers in celebration of my birthday week.  Unfortunately, life happens and blogging has to take a back seat to that.  So, I hope that my blogging friends feel better, and their kids feel better, and I hope they will be able to post something when things get back to normal. 🙂

Second, If you don’t appreciate swearing (particularly the F-word), you should stop reading fairly soon.  I rarely ever swear.  That should be indicative of something…

Third, I should say that I am one of those sad Canadians who cannot speak fluent French.  I know a few statements:

Est’ce que je pe aller a la toilette sil vous plait?

I did take a few university level French language classes, but what you don’t use… well, you know how that goes.  Regardless, I stand by my title of this post: Je ne sais pas…

Je ne sais pas… Why I had such a shitty day today.  Well I do know why – because I was post call after a busy night on internal medicine consultation.  Because my already shitty call schedule got changed again and I got fucked over… again.  Because the fucking admin assistant told me one thing when it wasn’t really true.  Now I am on call Friday/Sunday the weekend before I have to be IN ANOTHER CITY to start an elective on the Monday morning.  Oh, you don’t see the problem with that?  Oh, well maybe let me off at 5pm so that I can rush home and then pack my car and drive 5+ hours and get to my hotel and get settled in to start working at a new hospital for 8 am.  Or, what about the fact that I already won’t get to see my kids for 2 weeks, but now tack on the whole weekend before that too?  Thanks.  Oh, and your solution is to say that I can work an extra call day on my previously approved vacation time to make up my call requirements for the rotation.  Oh yes, that’s fair.  You guys fucked up.  Why do I have to deal with that?  Oh, and telling me this atfer I’ve just been awake for the better part of 24 hours straight.  Fuck You.

Je ne sas pas… Anything about my own kids, or about medicine for that matter.  Because E. was running a fever at daycare today and I had to cut my sleep short to go get him and sit in a busy, stuffy walk-in clinic to have some doctor (why, by the way, was probably younger than me) lecture me about the difference between a viral and a bacterial infection.  Look fucker: I’m a medical student.  I looked in my own kid’s ears with the pricey fucking otoscope I had to buy before wasting my time coming here. I realize his ear is borderline.  I realize that.  I also realize that you can write a prescription and I can’t.  I also know that I have no other fucking time in my schedule, except when I am post-call and running on 3 hours of sleep in the last 30+ hours, to potentially get some medication for my child.  Take the fucking throat swab, give me a fucking prescription and call me with the results.  Respect my intelligence.  Do you think I really want to feed my kid high dose amoxicillin 3x a day for the next 7 days just because I like forcing gross banana flavour down his poor little throat?  No.  If his ear gets worse, or I call the micro lab in two days to get the results for myself (look how easy I am making your job), it will really make my life as a measly medical student much easier if I already have the little piece of paper in my hand.

Je ne sais pas… Why I’m being so negative and grumpy during my birthday week, especially after yesterday’s inspirational post from Purnimodo?  Especially when I started the week by saying I was going to celebrate myself and my life thus far?  Well, I’m going to say it:

“It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to…”

It’s days like today that make me wonder what the fuck I think I am doing in this world.  I clearly can’t handle this level of frustration.  I can’t handle this level of incompetence from the people around me.  I can’t handle this amount of bull-shit.  Clearly, there is a problem with me: With my ability to cope with my life and my stress… With my ability to just take it as it comes… With my ability to get along with people?  Why am I always finding myself in these ridiculous, unfair situations?  Je ne sais pas.

How do you say “Fuck” in French?  Je ne sais pas…

(Le Clown, can you help me out?)

Okay.  I’m done venting.  I’m done swearing.  I’m going to bed.

7 thoughts on “Je Ne Sais Pas.

  1. Cranky,
    In French Québec, we will use “fuck” as none of its translation can pack the same punch (va te faire foutre). But we do prefer delving into Catholicism to curse. So instead of “fuck”, we will use “ostie” (host), or tabarnak (tabernacle)….
    Le Clown


    1. Thanks, Le Clown. The French never fail to deliver… Leave it to them to curse via religion. I shouldn’t judge, though. In Italian, we have our fair share of catholic curse terms. We have, however, perfected the Italian classic, “vaffanculo.”


  2. Poor E., I hope he feels better soon! It sounds like all of this stuff is based in a few idiots that you’ve no choice but to interact with… but take heart in the idea that you can make your world mostly inhabited by awesome people. Can’t skim out the idiots, I’m afraid, but at least you can outnumber them.

    Also, should you need anything, just ask– I don’t know what I could do from California, but I’m happy to try. 🙂


  3. Your roster is shit! Totally unfair. There have been studies showing that overworked and under slept doctors are more likely to make mistakes, and yet no one does anything to fix the problem, especially when it comes to residents and registrars. Not good!
    I couldn’t cope with all that and I doubt most people could.
    I hope your baby is better.
    Maybe some kind of magic will make the work stuff easier for you – I hope so. No one should have to deal with all that.


  4. You’re not doing anything wrong! ❤ Bureaucracy runs rampant in this crazy world, and your situation is totally draining, tough, and unfair. You are allowed to feel like you want to disintegrate and tell everyone to fuck off in several more languages, and it's excellent that you can vent/process your situation here. Just don't give up hope — for every asshole you encounter, just think of the one patient whose life you'll change (or have changed), the one sickly baby who you helped bring into the world. Medicine needs more people like you, I think — ones who feel it all and still care. Feel everything you need to feel out, but don't let the petty BS and the dbags who create it ruin your beautiful spirit!

    I hope you and your kiddo are doing well/better!


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