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Baby #3

Well, here I am… Baby #3 on my mind. I’ve really been sitting on the fence for a long time about whether to have another baby or not. When I was pregnant with E., we were sure it was going to be our last baby (considering I had to BEG my husband to even have a second one). However, when I found out it was another boy, I was hoping that maybe our situation would change. As luck would have it, around Christmas my husband actually brought up the idea of having another baby and since then I’ve been waffling back and forth on the decision. If I wasn’t on such a busy career path, I would definitely have another one. But, my life is busy and there’s not much I can do in the immediate future to change that. I figured I would always just decide to either go for it or not go for it and deal with the outcome either way. But then this weekend happened and I found myself going for an impromptu ultrasound to get things sorted out.

Before I go any further, I should probably say: There will not be a February baby born clutching an IUD! That’s right… the only thing currently occupying my uterus is a properly placed IUD. I was quite relieved to learn this information, despite the part of me that would like to have another baby. The problem with this whole scare was that I would be having a baby right smack in the middle of my residency interview tour… Not a good time to have a baby…

But at this ultrasound, I also learned something else: I really want to have another baby. Maybe not right now, but soon.

After checking the uterus, we had a look at my ovaries. They are small – smaller than they should be for a woman of my age. I remember that they were small when I was having my follicles tracked when I was trying to get pregnant with E. Sometimes small ovaries mean nothing. But sometimes it can mean something important. And, when you have a family history of premature ovarian failure (like I do), small ovaries is not something that can easily be shrugged off.

My grandmother stopped having her periods around age 29, after she immigrated to Canada. My mom was peri-menopausal at age 35 and was completely done menstruating by 40. I talked a little about this with D., the gynecologist doing my ultrasound today. She knew about this history of mine from before, but since I was stopping at baby #2, it was never really an issue to discuss. She started talking about how it would be important to pay attention to my cycles for irregularity mostly for bone and cardiovascular health, and that it really wouldn’t matter much otherwise. Except if I want to have another baby…

In that moment, I realized that all I could think about was the real possibility that I might not have much time left to have another baby. I felt a little crushed and devastated. In the midst of feeling relieved that I was not pregnant now, I was suddenly saddened by the thought that I might not ever get the chance to be pregnant again. I came to the realization that baby #3 is not just something I need to think about, it is something I need to do.

Right now I know that it’s not a good time to have a baby, and it won’t be a good time for another year, for sure. I need to at least get through my residency match before I can consider trying for baby #3. But, that is only 9 months away…

Sufficie it to say, therefore, it won’t be much longer before Baby #3 becomes a reality.

2 thoughts on “Baby #3

  1. I love hearing about plans for babies. Isn’t it wonderful how sometimes we don’t know what we won’t until we realise we haven’t got it – does that make sense? Not sure.

    This is what happens to my protagonist in my novel Absent Children. She has other plans, and is afraid of giving birth, but when a late period arrives, she suddenly realises she was hoping she was pregnant, and that’s how she discovers she’s no longer afraid of having a baby.

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