Him.

I’m going back.

He‘ll be there.

I’ll see Him.

He “loved” me.

I thought I loved Him.

He hurt me.

I thought I forgave Him.

He did it again. And again. And again…

I hated Him.

He tried to strangle me.

I was scared of Him.

He apologized.

I left Him.

And now I’m going back.

Today I found out that for my upcoming elective in my hometown, I will be placed at the same hospital that I worked at in my “old life.”  That’s where I met Him.

I know things are different now and so much has changed since the last time I was there.  I moved from there almost 6 years ago and 4 years ago, when we went “home” for a whole summer, I went back to my old job for 4 months.  I saw Him then.  But of course I would; it was back in the same department… things were the same.  He was the same.  I dealt with it… But He thought we were still friends.  I didn’t.

I have no reason to back to my old department.  But that doesn’t matter.  This is real life, and real life is funny that way: I’ll run into Him because I’m there and, why not?  He doesn’t know what He did to me.  Well, He does, but He doesn’t think it was wrong; He thinks it was love.  And, I guess maybe I let Him think that…

There are 4 hospitals in my home town.  Of course I would be going back to that one.  In this world, 25%=100%.  And, I knew it would be that way back in September, when the elective was confirmed.  I didn’t even bother “hoping for the best” because, why get my hopes up?  There are 6 buildings in this hospital.  But it doesn’t matter because in this world, 6=1.  There are probably 10,000 employees at this hospital.  But, it only takes one.  Him.

Lately I’ve been doing a lot more thinking and reflection about what He did to me.  I thought I was over it, I thought I was okay with it.  But I realize now that I’m not.

In 12 days I start my elective.

In 13 days I will have seen Him.