I’m going back.
He‘ll be there.
I’ll see Him.
He “loved” me.
I thought I loved Him.
He hurt me.
I thought I forgave Him.
He did it again. And again. And again…
I hated Him.
He tried to strangle me.
I was scared of Him.
I left Him.
And now I’m going back.
Today I found out that for my upcoming elective in my hometown, I will be placed at the same hospital that I worked at in my “old life.” That’s where I met Him.
I know things are different now and so much has changed since the last time I was there. I moved from there almost 6 years ago and 4 years ago, when we went “home” for a whole summer, I went back to my old job for 4 months. I saw Him then. But of course I would; it was back in the same department… things were the same. He was the same. I dealt with it… But He thought we were still friends. I didn’t.
I have no reason to back to my old department. But that doesn’t matter. This is real life, and real life is funny that way: I’ll run into Him because I’m there and, why not? He doesn’t know what He did to me. Well, He does, but He doesn’t think it was wrong; He thinks it was love. And, I guess maybe I let Him think that…
There are 4 hospitals in my home town. Of course I would be going back to that one. In this world, 25%=100%. And, I knew it would be that way back in September, when the elective was confirmed. I didn’t even bother “hoping for the best” because, why get my hopes up? There are 6 buildings in this hospital. But it doesn’t matter because in this world, 6=1. There are probably 10,000 employees at this hospital. But, it only takes one. Him.
Lately I’ve been doing a lot more thinking and reflection about what He did to me. I thought I was over it, I thought I was okay with it. But I realize now that I’m not.
In 12 days I start my elective.
In 13 days I will have seen Him.