I can’t help it.
I thought I was doing better, making progress, going up instead of down.
But here I am, going down the rabbit hole!
It’s so easy to fall, so desirable – but I know all too well what the bottom looks like.
I want it to change,
I want it to be different.
All pretty and pink and purple – exactly like I want.
But I know it can never be that way – it’s too much to expect.
So why am I sitting here, waiting for an outcome that I know will never change?
I really don’t know.
Is it for the glimmer of hope?
To decorate the walls of my hole in kaleidoscope gems?
I make it more difficult, unnecessarily painful,
All for the hope to get something more.
I guess that’s why they call it a rabbit hole?
I need an escape lane. I don’t know how to stop.