The last few weeks have brought me some wonderful “high” moods and feelings of excitement. Maybe it was the novelty of starting clerkship, or maybe it was because I had a great preceptor on outpatient psychiatry, or maybe it was that I was just beginning to feel better, all around. Unfortunately the feeling has not persisted and I am back “under the weather.”
I would say I’m under the weather in more ways that one. I definitely am in the proper sense of the term: I’ve fallen victim to the nasty gastro bug that’s been going around and I had to cancel the last half of my call shift last night because of it. But, poor little A. has it even worse. For 12 hours he was letting it out violently – on both ends. That marks the third case of gastro for him in just as many months!
My mood has also been under the weather and I’ve been feeling grumpy, cynical, and unmotivated over the past few days. I think it’s mostly because I am not really enjoying my time on child psychiatry. I don’t think I’m cut out for it because I don’t have enough empathy or patience to deal with the problems (and the usual lack of insight) that comes along with the underdeveloped frontal lobe of hormonal adolescents. That being said, I’m glad people are able to do it, because I certainly cannot!
The weather has also been unforgiving and stupid cold… wind chills in the mid -40’s. Yeah, give me a break! I’m so sick and tired of having frozen toes, fingers, nose, thighs, you name it, from walking outside for 3 blocks. Quite literally under the weather…
I’ve also started to feel lonely, inadequate and over tired again; and while it’s probably a result of some of the other things I’ve mentioned, I can’t be so sure. Either way, I need to find out how to stop being so under the weather in every aspect of my life. It’s funny how this down week has arrived pretty much on “blue Monday,” the saddest day of the year. Maybe it’s ironic, maybe it’s not, but I want my happy self back… the self that was here just a few days ago.
Here’s to hoping that kicking this virus, and getting a few good nights sleeps, and getting off child psychology will make things feel a little over the weather instead of under it. It’s time for this low streak to end before it gets too long!