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This is MY Life

If you could read a book containing all that has happened and will ever happen in your life, would you? If you choose to read it, you must read it cover to cover.

I’ve always maintained that when it’s my time to go, I just want it to be over fast.  I don’t want to spend months or years knowing that the time is coming because I know I would be fixated on that moment.  I would want to try and change things, make adjustments, attempt to alter the ways of the universe…  And the same would be true for every event in my life that I could anticipate.

I do not want to know how my life will unfold.  I don’t want to be disappointed and I don’t want to be stuck living a life that I’ve already “lived.”  It would be like watching a movie after you’ve already read the book; boring, predictable, and maybe not what you want.  The biggest difference: If you don’t like the book, you don’t see the movie.  If you don’t like the story of your life…. well, too bad.  It’s your life and there’s nothing you can do to change it.

The events of our lives happen at a certain time and in certain circumstances.  Life is challenging and rewarding because we live it in stride.  If I reflect back on the last 10 years of my life, and then think about where I was 10 years ago and what my mindset was like.  I would have been dismayed to know that my life took the paths that it did.  That is not to say, however, that I don’t enjoy my life now or that I regret the decisions I have made up until now.  It only means that in the context of my life when I was 19, the 10 year “story” that lay ahead would not have made sense.

I have learned so much about myself through the unknown adventures that my life has endured; there would have been no lessons to learn if I knew what to expect.  It would be nice to know if things will work out the way I plan, but chances are that my current plans look nothing like where the future will take me.  I’d rather skip the disappointment and let things happen when the time is right.  Good things will happen and the experience will amaze me – I don’t want to experience a lifetime’s worth of excitement in one weekend and then be bored for the rest of my life.  Bad things will happen and the grief will be overwhelming – but at least I only have to live it once… I won’t have to fear the moment that I know is coming.

So, No: I would not read a book of my entire life.  Not because I don’t want to re-live the past, but because I want to live in anticipation of my future.  I live for the experience of today and the hope that tomorrow will make it all worthwhile.  I never want to stop believing that.

In response to the Daily Prompt

10 thoughts on “This is MY Life

    1. My biggest fear is that everything I’m working for will be for nothing. I can never know that as a reality otherwise I’m sure life would become worthless and hopeless.

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        1. I think it’s part of the same idea. I work hard for the possibility of something rewarding, or amazing, or you name it. But for some reason, I fixate a little too much on the flip side of the coin: the possibility that it won’t happen. If I tell my myself that possibility doesn’t exist, I can focus on the goal. However, if my life story tells me, not only that the possibility of failure exists, but that it is my reality… well, I wouldn’t be able to handle that!

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